It has been a journey since last I posted. Jack has been on Keytruda for so long. His lung cancer doesn't even show up on his CT scan but the doctor won't say remission. Then in September of 2024 a tumor on his liver showed up. It was biopsied and is a different cancer. Hepatocellular carcinoma. There were some treatments for it that we went to find out about. They sounded scary and he might get sicker. His quality of life is no fun. He (we) decided that it might be better if the cancer killed him than if the treatments put him back in the hospital.
That's where we are today. After a severe bout of acute pancreatitis, and 4 days in the hospital he is home and under the care of Bristol Hospice. That means a fentanyl patch and two drugs Audra fought to have him on for the pancreatitis. For awhile it was very debilitating for him. I don't know if it was the drugs or recuperating from the pancreatitis, but he is on his feet again. Doesn't use the walker. Only his cane. He gets up himself and also puts himself to bed. I am just his pill dispenser and shadow.
This is a relief for me because though there are people who would be here for me, I am alone in this. Since he is back on his feet, I can go outside and garden. My mental health benefits from that. I can leave to go to the store. I didn't see this as possible 12 days ago when he came home. For now, things are looking up.
It's day by day and today is a good one. Maybe not for Jack who hopes for more but doesn't get it. He has Ativan and won't take it. Sometimes I need it but don't take it. This is as hard as life has ever been for me. But I will manage to do whatever needs to be done.
Thank God for the good days.
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